My Transcendental Experiences

Written in August 2010.

“Nondevotees, however, cannot realize You in Your full personal feature. Nevertheless, it may be possible for them to realize Your expansion as the impersonal Supreme by cultivating direct perception of the Self within the heart. But they can do this only by purifying their mind and senses of all conceptions of material distinctions and all attachment to material sense objects. Only in this way will Your impersonal feature manifest itself to them.” [Śrīmad Bhāgavatam 10.14.6]

It took me more than a month to elaborate core issues from my personal transcendental experiences that happened to/in me recently, in attempting to define them as clearly as possible and being concrete as more as possible, trying to at least touch main issues of it, so that my ‘story’ doesn’t become just another ‘hanging in the air’ stuff… So I’m using my opportunity to share this with you; you use your opportunity to make it useful for you. 🙂

Transcendence was a burning issue for me for years; I didn’t even know ‘how‘ to transcend or ‘what‘ to transcend!!! LOL! I think we’re actually talking about one thing, known under many names: transcend=release=clear karma and karmic bonds & knots, letting go, healing, peeling off the layers stored in the subconscious mind &  deep-rooted belief systems and then connecting with your Soul and reconnecting it with Source; i.e. yoga (linking with Source/Prime Creator), mastering yourself, shifting in consciousness, etc….. It is actually all the process known as ‘ascension‘, which is very layered and therefore it happens in stages.

What follows now are some of the transcendental fruits and results from my own experiences which I collected during and after observing how I feel, and after testing myself for quite some time now…. Please acknowledge that this was and is ‘my way’, there are many ways and means to accomplish your goals. Even though these are my personal experiences, you will definitelly recognize some of them as yours as well.

As usually, I write as I experience and understand things for myself.
First and foremost, prerequisite for me was the following:
1) I wanted to transcend my “old-false-ego-limited-self” and clear complete past karma more than anything else.
2) I had that feeling of being really *fed up* with everything… so, I was clear about what I really wanted – I wanted pure spiritual break-through and progress. I had my goal and determination.
3) I decided to accept and respect all kinds of energies existing, manifested or non-manifested. (Yes, first show respect to ALL THAT IS!)

So what I did was consciously clearing, releasing and healing my karma: traumas, attachments of all kind, curses, vows, promises, contracts of all kinds, beliefs; I was integrating past lifetimes, (thoroughly and clearly understanding lessons associated therein), reconciling them (all ancestors tracking all the way back to the source) in forgiveness and submerge them all in the sea of unconditional love. Of course, I was “watching” some of these karmic events in front of my inner eye in order to bring them again into the conscious attention and release them. By “watching” one particular pattern with the intention to release it, you release the chain of all similar patterns altoghether thoughout the time, space and dimensions, but you do it consciously too, at least I did. (This means you don’t have to literally look under every stone.)

Note: to ‘watch’ means to focus on particluar issue you want to deal with, but as an ‘observer’, i.e. without attaching to it. Sometimes you must allow the emotions to surface fully in order to be released, healed and let go… in other words, you allow the detachment to occur through the process.

Important: I was ‘doing’ this process for 10-30 minutes daily ~ just before going to sleep (sitting on my bed). It was so effective, I was so surprised. At that time I didn’t think about alternate brain wave states, of going into ‘alpha‘ and even ‘theta‘ brain waves – which was giving effectivness to the process. I was simply determined to do it and so it was.

Few more things: before I started the process, I learned to note and observe how I feel and what runs through my head. I learned to apply what I learned from “Sedona Method” – it’s a fantastic method for deep self-healing, there you can learn how to let go of any thought, feeling, situation, etc., but ONLY if you really want to let it all go. This way you can let go of anything and everything through all time-space continuums of any material universe! And you feel tremendous change within by doing so! HUGE changes! It was not my wishful thinking, it reall happened to me!!

The next step was even more detailed work, during which I used some method used in “Theta Healing“. It is also fantastic self-healing method. (Even though these two methods are the best possible in my personal experience, they are both very commercialized, so most people don’t apply precious instructions therein.) However, I did it by myself: I combined several methods simultaneously and adjusted them to suit me best, combining them all with my acquired knowledge on universal laws, and never spent a dime for buying any product, or training services.

The next step I was guided to do was to consciously integrate polarities of Light & Dark, i.e. Male & Female Within – in being completely unconditionally open and embacing them fully without reserve! I cannot stress enough how important this intention was to me! I decided no more hide & seek game!

Something very important to add here: I also consciously integrated ALL known and unknown types of what we know as “archetypes” known by their particular archetypal nature. This very act ‘closed the circle‘ in my process of integration and after integrating them, and assimilating all lessons therein and after I felt it all on a subtle level, I released them altogether. (I was guided by my higher-self to do this, I’m not saying it’s a recipe for everyone… but if you resonate with this, then it probably is.) One of the most significant result of this was that I stopped judging them altogheter, because I could finally understood those archetypes within and through myself.

Well, how can this inner work be ‘done’? For every serious seeker of freedom, it is crucial to go to the ‘highest point’, the most sacred and central place, the core of yourself, your heart. Where to go? Nowhere to ‘go’, the focused intention to connect to the Source of All That Is within your core and to be ‘there’ will take you ‘there’. (You can focus on your heart and 3rd eye chakra for example.) So, I did my inner work from that highest ‘place’ in my heart mostly. You can not rely on any other spiritual being in this. I clearly knew that it what was MY job and it was me who was supposed to ‘do’ my re-integration. So I went straight to my center by my will and my intention. (If you think this can’t be done this way, then you probably lack self-confidence or maybe the ability to focus, so I recommend first to do something to gain self-confidence again until you become convinced that it IS as you said and intended. Self-sabotage is usually the only problem which can be caused consciously or unconsciously.)

So the point was to learn to command from the center of my self instead of being a helpless victim subjected to zillion circumstances around. In fact, no need to learn, it’s about: JUST DO IT!!! and stop relying on others for help and beings lower then the Source-of-all-that-is itself, because they can take you only up to THEIR point, eventually. Just know what is your own inner work, yours and only yours, it is balancing accounts with Your Soul… and no interference is allowed there… !

So, if you don’t see concrete changes taking place within you, than you may ask yourself ~ what are you doing? Or at least be sincere with yourself about what you really want… I can tell this because I was praying and praying for years, and thought of myself as being a saint person, waiting for God to demonstrate his grace upon me! Yeah, saint full of sh@t, so nothing ever happened! I felt no real change within. However, those years and years of praying cannot be thrown out through the window – those years brought me to where I am now. It was period of dedication and devotion, years of asking and searching. That’s very precious period.

And those who really seek will find indeed. I had to see clearly what is my own job because only I can FACE my-self! In all those years I had to decide to take my ‘destiny’ into my own hands using the gift of free will and intelligence and start commanding my inner reality, which isn’t ‘out there‘ but within! This firm determination as well as being open unconditionally is what brings results. Proofs and changes which must be seen.

I had to mention this important part of the PROCESS that I went through – on what preceded before I felt and saw changes taking place in me…. The whole process was accompanied by awakening of Kundalini-Shakti energy, but its a long story for itself … (I would really need to write a book about all this).

So, now I’ll start with my transcendental experiences, i.e. the results of it, those most important for me. Generally speaking, I used to be like a big open sore never healed, loaded with innumerable traumas, so the pain and painful remembrances (of different kinds) were regularly triggered by circumstances and events in everyday life, always bringing that “painful feeling” up in one way or another, always renewing the same wounds… Then, after applying the above mentioned process of healing, I started noticing:

– the pain that was always within “there“, simply wasn’t “there” any more – what I mean by this pain is the accumulated pain from who knows when which was always “there”… ! Of course, it happened in stages, but for me it happened very rapidly, within only few months (or maybe I shouldn’t speculate about tim- frames because it was not important to me then, because one can start dealing with certain “expectation” which isn’t good..) The fact is that it rather happened rapidly and the difference was/is REAL, the change is real, it’s consistent and is becoming more and more stable every day… I know it because I live in completely different reality Within.

Furthermore, because of the previous, I started noticing the following:
-I don’t get excited / crazy / angry / mad the way I ALWAYS used to in particualar situations that triggered such reaction; things that used to bother me, bother me less or I notice that they don’t bother me anymore at all; and when I do go angry or mad, it’s because it is really needed expression for that particular moment – its necessary to show my boundaries when someone crosses the line and doesn’t care at all. [I couldn’t do it efficiently before because I was following the philosophy: “Turn another cheek“… and this philosophy actually feeds the relationship victim-violator because violator will always strive to act violently.]
Both aspects feel good as a real change for me because I feel myself as being ‘in control’ finally.

– I worry less or don’t worry at all (being worry-less, care-free) and am more indifferent to everything. Yes, your sensitivity increases, but at the same time you become more indifferent (neutral) and at peace within yourself because you allow it to “be” and to “happen” – whatever…

– I feel I’m not attached to things/people/outcomes anymore the way I used to be, or I feel I’m not attached at all; and if I’m are still attached to something, I feel it immediatelly as it surfaces, when something triggers it and I release it consicously;

– I notice that I flow quickly and smoothly from moment to moment through the circumstances of my life and over the course of the day – I don’t attach to MY own or others’ words, emotions, thoughts, I simply observe them as they flow and I simply don’t identify with them anymore; if I start identifying, I notice it immediately and release it, – with no effort!

– when/if my plan didn’t work out, I take it easily as if nothing really happened without losing inner balance and peace, no more disapointment, no desperation, no more feelings of guilt or of being incompetent (loser, etc)… the same thing happens in relationship issues: because I’m not attached any more to that person, when the relationship “ends” there is no more pain, no distracion, no depression, as it used to be before, I see that I simply flow with the moment at the very same pace… and I’m just observing myself as well as situations (these two are my last experiences by which I was tested)…..

– I feel and see that I’m more “in charge” of my thoughts and emotions, or I have complete control over them, being conscious of them, but not attached/identified with them, therefore not affected by them, I don’t ‘stick’ to them as I always used to, so I don’t get ‘stuck’ in them anymore; – finally I sometimes feel as if I surf upon my emotions and events just like surfing on the crest of the wave ! 😀

Moreover, I feel no lack within. What I need for this body sustenance, is there always when I need it. Of course, you must deal with your desires, but actually they fall off naturally during your cleansing process, because those were the longings from the past…. and soon it becomes clear that accumulating anything is pointless. I didn’t have to renounce from any desire, they simply fell off from my back! (I could write a book about this issuen of desire too, its not possible to sum it all up within few words!)

Furthermore, there is also no need to “kill” or “destroy” that which we call ‘ego‘! So much negativity is thrown onto that ego! Ego in a sense always exists, it is your unique individuality within the Whole One and it doesn’t necessarily keep you separate from the One. You don’t have to get ‘rid of’ it… We are to Understand the stages of ego: from what we call “low” or “primitive” or extremelly limited, to the ‘higher forms’ of it. What we are bound to and what we’re trying to get ‘rid of’ are those lower stages of ego. So, in a sense, we want to change our ego, to transcend that ego and to perfect ego. Do we lose that ego ‘one day’? I don’t know, but my intuition tells me that you always have this ‘differentiation point’ in your individuality which cannot be destroyed. And here we have that paradox of all/one being and co-existing perfectly together, where boundaries between them dissapear…yet they still exist. This is how I perceive it now.

So, dealing with the past and clearing it allowed me to be placed into the present Moment, i.e. the Flow of infinite possibilities of the Now. Is there another way? I don’t know, I’ve tried almost everything, but only dealing with the past helped me…. 🙂

Of course, everybody can trigger transcendental moments through meditation or by many other means, but it lasts as long as the meditation/session lasts. The point is to prolong this transcendental experience and ultimatelly to dwell in such state permanently, isn’t it? I didn’t want to spend this lifetime in meditation to gain permament bliss from meditative practices – hopefully! Meditation per se can not be substitute for dealing consciously with the past and this is the sign that you want to take 100% responsibility for yourself. Since your present is the result of all past actions (karma&ancestry), it must be “undone” in some way. (Note: there are guided meditions for dealing with past issues). Actions are actually done by the mind in the first place and by the mind they can be undone, and not by ‘working out’ karma, unless you want to be perpetually bound by it in the same “vicious circle”….

So, from dealing with your past: lessons are learned from all those experiences, your stuck energy becomes released and available to you again, you grow and mature, you stop denying yourself, you get your consciuosness back from things/events you pushed into your subconscious…. All these things make you a conscious being, and then more conscious being… It’s about UNDERSTANDING your past, your actions, your experiences, the whole Creation, the Magnificence of it all, and being AWARE of it all (means you’re aware that all creation is like trap of illusion and you don’t want to get stuck in that illusion), also you don’t want to flee from everything into oblivion of nothingness or non-consciousness. You cannot flee into bliss by running away from your past actions. You fall naturally into bliss by dealing with it… And the bliss is not static: it grows, there are many stages of bliss, always new, always more. In order to see the horizon, you have to clean the glass before your nose. When you clean it enough, you don’t have to remind yourself: “Be in the present moment in the now”…

In other words, this must be clear: unless you realize that this material creation is just a tricky illuison (be it magically beautiful or ugly like hell), you’ll always stumble and fall in this ‘mary-go-around’ game no matter what you do or try to do.

Furthermore, this realization doesn’t ‘take away’ your emotions or anything from you, on the contrary, the quality of the emotions are completelly different in your experience and it is so because you become their master… Yes, you must know who and what you are first. Otherwise you can’t see nor understand the illusion nor yourself. And when you see the illusion, this puts you in the “observer mode”, and that’s when the process can start…. But you can choose whatever you want. Just know that you’ll be given exactly what you desire…

For more info, please read my previous notes here on this blog; they testify about stages of my personal transcendental process… and by this moment, many things from this very testimony are already outdated. (BTW, what I mentioned here is just a scratch of a surface of what I feel, know and experience now).

So, speaking about signs of transcendence in general: if that particular same “thing” isn’t “there” anymore and it doesn’t bother you anymore, because it doesn’t upset you/affect you anymore, or at least not in the way it used to – this is the indicator what you have transcended and to what degree! And you know it! In short, its about you simply:::don’t go back:::: ~ you don’t go back to the same tracks that you always used to! Yes of course you CAN go back, but you can control it and correct it quickly.

So if you feel its the calling of your soul and If you want maximum results, transcend anything that you considered both ‘good’ and ‘bad’, and all patterns of mind/beliefs/behaviour will come up gradually to the surface to your attention to be dealt with. (I addressed negative issues first, then positive, and after complete integration I droped them all. This doesn’t mean that I lost them, I simply detached from them, but still use them as ‘data base’ whenever necessary, in a very different manner, and with consicous awareness.)

So, transcendence generally happens in stages, but it really doesn’t have to take a lifetime to see the results! You only need to know the direct way! And if you’re on the right tracks, you feel more un-affected by anything that happens both within and without. You must start tasting your inner Freedom if it is true way!!! It’s about self-mastery and shifting and expanding your consciousness more and more, and in order to shift in consciousness you transcend all “old stuff” (that limited lower ego who dictates through your belief system implanted in your subconscious mind primarily), or better yet: you transcend that “animal part” in you ~ like crossing over ~ from the “survival mode consciousness” (fear based existence, all kinds of instinctive impulses, fear & fight for mere survival of the body; struggle and fight for food, home, mate, proginy, dominance…constant craving for attention from others…accumulation of stuff, etc..) into the conscious being living in “abundance mode consciousness” and you dwell in it no matter what happens “outside”.

Furthermore, from here on, you cannot but feel more and more joy and bliss Within… more inner balance, peace, more inner knowledge….You keep on un-identifying yourself from this and that and that… You start loving yourself like crazy, and you enjoy so much in loving yourself… and all you want to do is sharing your own inner joy from that unlimited reservoir of love within you…. and you do it just like that: effortlessly, because it became your inner core, your ‘very be-ing’, so you don’t have to say to yourself anymore: “I must love this or that /because I was told so/”…. And, by the way, love is not “just a feeling”, it is the ‘way of be-ing’ after you remove enough of those layers and coverings around your core.

It’s all within, it all happens within, and it all starts with little steps in process of awakening and it never stops, it flows and expands into – what they say – enlightenment, and then it continues on and on into liberation and self-realization? blablabla and then?…. Well, once you reach certain point you really don’t care about names or definitions any more, you don’t identify yourself with anything, (especially not with your body or gender), with names or titles, you don’t give a damn about it… no matter how high or low. You know you’re beyond that and nobody needs to tell you that.

Thus, as a fully conscious being, you can take your part in a game, a particular ROLE and play it out, or if its necessary for the sake of the Game… you take your role and act, like an actor in a movie, or theater: you can act as if you are angry but you’re not really angry, its just for the sake of that particular moment of that particular Episode, and you disengage from it immediately: you simply move along, you keep on flowing ~ what I mean by this is being completely detached from material circumstances without, you dwell within in peace you earned by transcendence. (Note: If you haven’t done your integration process and emotional/mental clearing previously, you can not really “act as if” – because you’d trigger certain non-processed emotions to emerge from your past memories and you cannot really enjoy the present game).

ALL of these things you feel and know within yourself and you can TEST yourself everyday to see “where” you are, what ‘is’ and what ‘isn’t’ yet transcended. And you do it by being aware of yourself, by observing yourself. Everyday you have hundreds of opportunities to test yourself and see where you stand. So, become busy observing yourself instead of others, and you’ll see what happens.
It’s not about something being “wrong” about some particular stage, its only about this: if you’re ready for the next step, you make this step, that’s all. 🙂

So, if any transcendence happened within you, you will FEEL it, you will KNOW it, you wil SEE it!
🙂

PS
This was the last stage of mine which culminated in Bhakti path (pure devotional service to God) soon afterwards….

*****
“The Vedas mainly deal with the subject of the three modes of material nature. Rise above these modes, O Arjuna. Be transcendental to all of them. Be free from all dualities and from all anxieties for gain and safety, and be established in the Self.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 2.45)

The entire proces ended with magnificent sign from above: double rainbow appeared in front of our house, early in the morning June 3, 2010, at 6.am. It was so close, so close:

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• Kundalini Awakening – some of my experiences (divinacorona.wordpress.com)